Ok, so let me start off by saying, that in order for my brain to completely function throughout the day/week/month, I have to have a game plan. I believe that it is essential to ones life, to be able to have a structure or agenda to ones day. It makes things go smoother. Lets you breath a little bit easier. Maybe even gives you a sense of euphoria, like a well-oiled machine, puttering along the road of organization.
Reality: This never happens for me. Ever.
It’s a fine idea, to be sure. However I have quickly (and recently), learned that no matter how organized, structured and well-oiled you want your day/week/moth/machine to be, if the other people involved in that plan don’t care, then your screwed. With a capital S. Take for example, date night. The one night Paul (my husband) and I get to go out on the town and live it up a little. This happens very infrequently, despite our best intentions to make it a monthly occurrence, but it is what it is. With 3 kids ranging in age from 12 years old all the way 16 months, you can’t be picky. We plan on getting showers around 6, having dinner around 7-7:30, then picking a place to go line dancing (depending on if it is a Friday or Saturday night) and home by 1 at the latest. Ok when I say “We” I mean, me. I plan this. Because I tell Paul when I want him home and what the plan of attack is, and he says “Ok dear. Whatever you want.” He knows me so well.
Next reality: We are farmers. That is NEVER going to happen.
Paul rolls in the driveway around 7:15, we get to dinner around 8:45 and we never make it out line dancing because we both don’t want to drive very far or no one else we know is going out either. The other issue: I am so upset about being thrown off my planned out schedule, that I don’t want to go have fun. I literally have had the excitement of date night flushed out of my by a high powered fire hose. It depresses me.
No mind you, Paul does not do this purposefully, or to upset me. He doesn’t intentionally drag his feet or is just unaware of what this does to me. He knows very well actually. But he is not being mean. It just doesn’t make sense to him, why anyone on God’s green earth, would want to rush around to beat the clock. Take your time. Don’t live by a schedule. Enjoy your life!!
Makes sense, doesn’t it?
They say opposites attract and I am assuming they are correct. I am an OCD type of person. I’m not very over the top with most things, but I do like things on a shelf or a mantle to be arranged correctly and neatly at the correct angles and intervals and things wiped down and cleaned the way they should be. I like organization and things to be planned out. But if my toddler pulls out all the toys and leaves them scattered in the living room, I don’t go rushing around like a mad women, trying to pick them all up while she is taking a nap. Why do that? She is just going to pull them all out again when she gets up. I clean up when she is in bed for the night. So it’s not like I am not able to “handle” my schedule going on the wayside. Yet, it does. A lot.
Then I got a very good piece of advice. Actually I remembered this advice more then anything. I dreamt about a memory of a 7 year old me and my Mom-Mom at my Mom-Mom’s house (My Mom-Mom Trimble was the most knowledgeable, gracious, loving, strongest women I have ever met. I guess I showed these compulsive tendencies as a young child). To this day I don’t remember what I was doing, but she said to me, “Melissa, you can’t be upset with other people, when things don’t go your way. You can’t control their reactions no more then they can control yours. If you could, then everyone would be machines. Find someone to marry who reminds you of that. It will be good for you.”
Did I mention she was really smart?
It is as I remembered this, that I realized this compulsive planning tendency doesn’t hurt anyone but me. I just because I don’t get to my Mom’s when I wanted to, is not the end of the world. It’s not going to rain sulfuric acid if Paul does not walk through the door at the exact second I asked him to. For that matter, the kids will not get a shower exactly at the time I want them to. Because we are a few minutes last to a friends party or get-together, is only going to cause a few jokes at our expense. No biggie!! If you haven’t noticed by now, I can dish out as much as I can take it.
Its really kind of nice to be able to relax and get into a more “go with the flow” state of mind. I notice things more. Like I play with my baby girl more often and I do not hound my autistic son to get things done quicker all the time (relax people, he is high-functioning and is on the spectrum). Now do I still geek out a little bit when it comes to appointments and such? Yes. Ask anyone. But thats not as bad as it was, and I have 2 people to thank. Mom-Mom and Paul.
So if you ever feel like things are out of control because no one is sticking to your agenda, don’t stress! Take a deep breath, look to the sky and realize that it will be ok. Then you can focus your attention on something else. Like that cupboard with all the labels facing towards the back of the cabinet…now who can get anything accomplished when the labels are unreadable?!?! Gotta go……