It’s really hard to put such things as “Patience” in perspective. You can’t see it, but you sure do know when its gone! Now, I have openly admitted (to almost everyone I know), that I am not perfect. In anything. I screw up dinner (especially the big ones), my house is never as clean as I want it to be, I can’t sew, the Christian I want to be is no where close to the Christian I am and I have a lot of growing to do when it comes to being a good Mom! Speaking of being a “good Mom”, let’s talk about kids today.
I have 3 wonderful, hilarious, beautiful, handsome and animated children. My oldest is Cole. He is 12 years old and in the 7th grade. He is well-mannered, mature beyond his years, funny and you really can’t embarrass the kid (trust me, I have tried!!). He can’t stand conflict or arguing and he loves hunting, being with his little sister and watching way too much TV. In other words, he is a typical 12 year old. My youngest is Ellie. She is 16 months old and a little spitfire! She loves her brothers, she is spoiled already (hey, she is the baby ya know) and she loves everyone.
Now you might have noticed that I left out the middle child. Cameron is 8 years old, has an unbelievable imagination (literally), is creative, a fantastic drawer, can write lyrics to songs that could make you cry (depending on what mood you are in), can talk…a lot (he is going to make an excellent lawyer), loves animals and very smart. He also has been diagnosed with Pervasive Development Disorder- NOS (PDD-NOS) which is on the Autism Spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD) and Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). WHich all that winds up to mean that he doesn’t listen, he can’t stay still and if he doesn’t get his own way, gets frustrated or has any other intense emotion, he will act out by being verbally and sometimes physically aggressive. He has the mentality of a 4 year old with no social or behavioral skills what-so-ever. He is on medication to help him control himself and to sleep through the night (he has some serious night terrors sometimes) and he also participates in peer social groups at school to help him learn to make friends. To say the least, life in my house can be very challenging.
I am extremely thankful and blessed to have such wonderful children. ALL of them. Yes Cameron tries my sanity (or whats left of it), every single day. There are more days then I care to admit, after the kids are in bed, when I feel defeated, stressed and I want to ground myself for the way I reacted to Cameron’s antics. Part of me says, “He can’t help it. He is special needs and I should cut him a break.” The other part of me says, “He needs to learn the rules. No one else in this world is going to cut him a break! He just needs to work a little harder then everyone else.” As you can tell, I haven’t figured any of this out yet.
What I have figured out, is that Cameron cannot advocate for himself. Yes, he tries my patience, my Motherly love at times and maybe even my sanity. Sometimes my reactions aren’t what a Mother with a lot of patience would necessarily hope for and I have often walked away from the situation instead of doing something I might regret. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. It doesn’t mean I won’t do everything I possibly can to get Cameron all the help he needs in order to succeed in life. It also doesn’t mean that I don’t look for every single parenting class available in order to help myself and Cameron. Because I do all those things. Plus more. I have repeatedly called old schoolmates parents to try and put together playdates for Cameron. I have made the horrible decision to admit my son when he became a danger to himself and others, in order to help him move forward.
So I guess having patience isn’t on my “To Do” list. But I do think that I really have the most awesome kids ever. I would not trade for all the patience in the world.