Well I have gone and done it now!! I got ambitious and have started a blog. I took my time…made the front look all pretty, did a front page of my intentions and aspirations of why I have made my decision and NOW I am ready to type up a new post. My first blog….
I got nothing. Let’s call it writer’s blank. I am not sure if I can get away with that, since Im not a writer, but let’s go with it.
Do you want to know what my real problem is? It’s 10:21pm (EST). Yes, all my Mommy and Daddy friends, that’s right. The kids are in bed, I have rushed through cleaning up the house, doing the dishes, picking up the toys and greeting the husband when he comes through the door. I have moved my laptop from the office to the kitchen table in my formal dining room, next to the fireplace because it is my favorite spot in the house and I feel relaxed here. And now I realized that all my hopes and aspirations and ambitions for this whole project has come to right now: What will I blog about first?
That’s when all the emotions and thoughts and feelings and memories come rushing back and honestly friends, it’s freaking hard to pick ONE thing to talk about! Should I talk about my ridiculous relationship failures that brought me to my soul mate? Or how about when my oldest son was born and it made me take a long, hard look at my 19 year old self? Or when I knew something was really wrong with my 3 year old son, but felt like if I said it out loud, it would be real? How about when I finally DID say it out loud 4 years later and found out he had ASD? Planning a wedding with a newborn? Having your entire young adolescent life crushed because of a knee injury? Finding religion? Moving 2,736 miles away from your best friend? My friends, the possibilities are endless!
Yea, I have been through a lot and then some. But I have never regretted anything. If I did, then I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Do I have a lot of money? Heck no. We are Farmer’s for goodness sake. But I have a roof over my head, clothes, my kids, the love of my life and a phone to call/text/email that best friend whenever the hell I want. I used to think saying that was so cliche’, but now I really understand it. You can’t be grateful for something until you have lost it once or twice. Mistakes happen, but learning from them is divine intervention in itself.
Most importantly, you can’t make a change in your world, until your willing to change yourself.
I did a lot of changing. Now it’s my turn to help someone else make a change.
Don’t forget to pay it forward people! Good night